5 guidelines from 3 verses.

1. Do not lose heart
2. These are light and momentary troubles
3. We live in a temporary world
4. Focus on what is unseen
5. If you live for something greater than yourself the temporal fades away

You can find these guidelines, written by Paul, in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. I know, easier said than done. Let’s do our best.

Some wise friends told me, “Look for someone who has what you want and then partner with them.” That is a good suggestion. While I’m thankful for great advice, perceptions and suggestions from my single friends I have to ask, “If you’re not in a successful marriage then how do you know what truly works?”

It’s like asking someone in debt to help you manage your money. It’s like asking someone who is out of shape to be your personal trainer. It’s like asking a PC person to help you with your Mac, or vice versa. Ask someone who has what you want.

I talked to 3 happily married friends yesterday and got some remarkable suggestions and perceptions on dating. I want what they have. That is a happy, committed, healthy marriage.

While I will still go to my single friends for counsel, I’ve found that talking to happily married folks has more depth and wisdom. What do you think? Where is the best place to get advice?

When getting to know someone, certain topics should be avoided. Here are a few.

1. Health. One time a date went into a lengthy story about a recent surgery. Sure I was concerned but I did not know this woman. I felt a bit awkward. Save the surgery and health issues for later, if the relationship gets to that point.

2. Exes. Never. Ever bring up your exes. Just don’t do it.

3. Sports stats (for guys). Unless she’s one of those sideline reporters for ESPN I’d avoid discussing Peyton Manning’s QB rating.

4. Talking only about yourself. As long as there is give and take, a real dialogue, then it’s fine to talk about yourself. However if your jaw is tired because you’ve dominated the conversation for the last 2 hours, shut up!

5. Bathroom Humor. Keep it classy.

What are some subjects that should stay off limits in those first dates? Tell me a time of when a guy or girl brought up something he or she shouldn’t have.

You know that I started a new project this year, WorkingInMusic.com. From now on all music related posts will be there. Please add that site to your reader.

Here on JamSmooth.com I plan to continue focusing on dating, relationships and other JamSmooth adventures, but also exercise. In 2005 after the distribution company I worked for relocated, I decided to become a personal trainer. I got certified by the American Council on Exercise. I trained over 50 clients of all ages that year. It was a very rewarding job.

Fitness, health, nutrition and exercise are some of my greatest passions in life. So I am going to share that passion and enthusiasm for you. Who knows, maybe we can create a community who gets fit together, sharing our victories and encouraging each other? I think so.

Starting off this series about who pays for dates proved interesting. I am not a millionaire, yet. If a woman was only into me for my money then that relationship would be fake. If the money disappeared then so would she.

So for the money-conscious, what are some good, inexpensive dates?

Dave Ramsey had a few. Here are 20 ideas from About.com. Even AskMen.com had has 10 cheap date ideas.

For first dates I like the coffee or meet for a drink date. It’s inexpensive and allows for a quick getaway if your date is a total bore. When the relationship gets further along I love to cook. Then you can show off your culinary skills.

What about you JamSmooth readers? Surely you have some great date ideas you can share. I know you’re out there, all over the world. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

This practice of dating goes back to Colonial times. I sit here this morning and wonder, “Is there a better way to get to know someone?” I want to smash this idea of dating that we have. With what? I don’t know. I would like your help.

Dating is a 300 year old concept. Does that concept of dating fit in the 21st Century? The days of the dowry are extinct. Some traditions remain, such as asking the father for his daughter’s hand. Those are good and respectful, but those aren’t a part of dating but marriage.

Sometimes dating is no more than a “job interview” over dinner or drinks. Questions like, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years,” may appear. Or even, “What’s your weaknesses,” or “Tell me a time of when you exhibited leadership.” Is modern dating nothing more than an interview for the position of husband or wife?

Is it time for this 300 year old model of dating to be smashed? Is there another way to get to know someone?

My views on online dating are well documented. I think online dating is like gambling or playing the lottery. You are paying money for the chance to win a big a payout. Unfortunately for me the odds have not been in my favor. I am not saying it does not work. It does. My brother met his fiancé online.

When online dating works it works great, revealing opportunities to meet people you would never meet otherwise. That is also online dating’s biggest flaw.

When writing a profile, an immense challenge exists writing about yourself in a way that is funny, personable and original. Ultimately you are being judged on your looks. How else do you make a decision when everyone writes the same thing?

I know there are no guarantees with online dating and that’s my biggest gripe. If I’m paying you money for something I want a result. These sites only give access to meeting someone, they cannot guarantee it. I understand that.

Guess I did get something out of all my online dating, a novel. I have also made new friendships from online dating. In 2009 I met BG who has become a great friend to me. In 2006 I met AS who has proven to be an amazing friend. It hasn’t been a total disaster.

This last period of online dating will be my last. From here on out I’m focusing on meeting someone IRL.

What do you think about online dating? Has it worked for you? Have you ever tried? Why or why not? Do you think it’s easier or harder to meet someone IRL?

No one wants to be told no. No one. Some of the worst pain I felt in life, and I imagine most men would echo, resulted from a woman telling me no. Rejection has a proportion to it. The longer the relationship, the deeper the pain of that rejection.

There are many ways to deal with rejection. You can give into the negativity of rejection and be angry, hateful and vindictive. Or you can move on and rest in the assurance that you are better off. Honestly my dating life has been a mixture of both. I think that is normal.

No is the answer I’ve gotten far more than a yes. The challenge is keeping a positive attitude towards dating and women in the midst of so much rejection.

Do you know the legendary story of Colonel Sanders? The story says that when selling his KFC franchise, Sanders heard 1,009 “no’s” before he heard his first “yes.” That is the kind of story that keeps me going.

Now my philosophy is with each no, I get closer and closer to finding my partner, my wife.

How do you handle rejection? How do you keep a positive attitude after hearing no so many times? What gives you hope and confidence after being told no?

Of all the topics I’ve written about here over 4 years, dating is the one that sparked the most interaction. A huge frustration in my life has been dating. How do you even define what dating is? What does it look like? What works in the 21st Century? How do you deal with all the rejection?

In the coming weeks and days we’re going to explore and talk about what dating is, what has worked for you and what hasn’t.

JamSmooth.com is not turning into a dating advice/coaching site. My hope is that all of us who are looking for a partner may learn something new and share some hope. Stay tuned!

I loathe Match.com, Eharmony and basically any online dating site. I’ve used them all and found them to be a waste of time and money.

I was just over at MySpace.com to listen to Eva Cassidy. I’ll save another post sometime for why MySpace totally bites. MySpace is in on this though since Match is buying advertising from them.

Have you seen these Match.com video ads? They’re all over MySpace. It features this poor girl who is using her body to sell Match.com. She’s a bad actor. I feel sorry for her. The camera blatantly zooms in on her breasts in one. In another she is at a gym where the camera zooms in on her butt while she stretches.

I feel for any guy who falls victim to Match.com’s use of sex to sell its poor service.

Let me be clear, I didn’t search for these ads, they’re shoved in my face simply by logging on MySpace.

You may know someone who has met someone on an online dating service. Still, I bet that less than 3% of people on these sites actually connect and form a lasting relationship.

If you want to meet someone it must be done in your real, day to day life. We’re all busy but check your priorities. Does work rule your life? Maybe it’s school? It could be anything. If you want to meet someone then you’ve got to live in the real world, not the virtual one.

Match.com must be hurting if they’ve stooped to this base advertising.