Some wise friends told me, “Look for someone who has what you want and then partner with them.” That is a good suggestion. While I’m thankful for great advice, perceptions and suggestions from my single friends I have to ask, “If you’re not in a successful marriage then how do you know what truly works?”

It’s like asking someone in debt to help you manage your money. It’s like asking someone who is out of shape to be your personal trainer. It’s like asking a PC person to help you with your Mac, or vice versa. Ask someone who has what you want.

I talked to 3 happily married friends yesterday and got some remarkable suggestions and perceptions on dating. I want what they have. That is a happy, committed, healthy marriage.

While I will still go to my single friends for counsel, I’ve found that talking to happily married folks has more depth and wisdom. What do you think? Where is the best place to get advice?

Organic dating is dating the old fashioned way. There are no dating web sites, no speed dating parties, no matchmaker lunches or iPhone apps. Organic dating is meeting someone in real life, through friends, a social network, volunteering or even through work.

The last 2 women I’ve dated I met organically. I’m pleased with the results. While I may not have a date lined up as frequently as I would with outside help, the quality is much much higher.

There was already a connection established through meeting organically. First we knew exactly what the other person looked like. There were no photos from 5 years ago posted on a site. There was no, as my friend Tim calls it, magic Internet photographer that makes you look a whole lot better than you truly do. We also got to see each other’s personalities in real life. Those 2 reasons alone or why organic dating is what I’m doing from now on.

Organic dating takes confidence. Being the man, I have to step up and put myself out there in real life. There is no wall of technology where I can hide. I have to face rejection. However the benefit and experience far outweigh that risk.

The dates I’ve had through organic dating have been some of the most pleasant I’ve ever had. Sure it may take longer to meet someone. I’ll take quality over quantity any day, especially in dating.

When getting to know someone, certain topics should be avoided. Here are a few.

1. Health. One time a date went into a lengthy story about a recent surgery. Sure I was concerned but I did not know this woman. I felt a bit awkward. Save the surgery and health issues for later, if the relationship gets to that point.

2. Exes. Never. Ever bring up your exes. Just don’t do it.

3. Sports stats (for guys). Unless she’s one of those sideline reporters for ESPN I’d avoid discussing Peyton Manning’s QB rating.

4. Talking only about yourself. As long as there is give and take, a real dialogue, then it’s fine to talk about yourself. However if your jaw is tired because you’ve dominated the conversation for the last 2 hours, shut up!

5. Bathroom Humor. Keep it classy.

What are some subjects that should stay off limits in those first dates? Tell me a time of when a guy or girl brought up something he or she shouldn’t have.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to date. I’ve proven that. Besides it’s so unoriginal to go to dinner. What if you ask someone to dinner and then they’re complete bores? You’re stuck for an hour. Meeting for coffee or drinks is always a better idea at first. However good first dates is another post.

Who should pay? I believe that whoever asked the person to the date should pay, doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman. If you asked, you pay. There is another guideline I use as well which voids that rule. Even if the the woman asks you, as the man, you pay. My guideline is that I pay for the first 10 dates. True most folks rarely even get to 10 dates. If you get to 10 dates then you’re talking 2.5 months (at one date a week) of seeing the same person. Obviously something is there.

After 10 dates I think the costs of dating can and should be split. What is wrong with the woman picking up the tab? Should the man always be expected to pay? One time a date told me, “My dad always pays when we go out so I expect my dates to.” I’m not your dad. I’m a guy who wants to get to know you.

What do you think? What’s a good guideline for picking up the tab on dates?

Of all the topics I’ve written about here over 4 years, dating is the one that sparked the most interaction. A huge frustration in my life has been dating. How do you even define what dating is? What does it look like? What works in the 21st Century? How do you deal with all the rejection?

In the coming weeks and days we’re going to explore and talk about what dating is, what has worked for you and what hasn’t.

JamSmooth.com is not turning into a dating advice/coaching site. My hope is that all of us who are looking for a partner may learn something new and share some hope. Stay tuned!