Some wise friends told me, “Look for someone who has what you want and then partner with them.” That is a good suggestion. While I’m thankful for great advice, perceptions and suggestions from my single friends I have to ask, “If you’re not in a successful marriage then how do you know what truly works?”

It’s like asking someone in debt to help you manage your money. It’s like asking someone who is out of shape to be your personal trainer. It’s like asking a PC person to help you with your Mac, or vice versa. Ask someone who has what you want.

I talked to 3 happily married friends yesterday and got some remarkable suggestions and perceptions on dating. I want what they have. That is a happy, committed, healthy marriage.

While I will still go to my single friends for counsel, I’ve found that talking to happily married folks has more depth and wisdom. What do you think? Where is the best place to get advice?

Organic dating is dating the old fashioned way. There are no dating web sites, no speed dating parties, no matchmaker lunches or iPhone apps. Organic dating is meeting someone in real life, through friends, a social network, volunteering or even through work.

The last 2 women I’ve dated I met organically. I’m pleased with the results. While I may not have a date lined up as frequently as I would with outside help, the quality is much much higher.

There was already a connection established through meeting organically. First we knew exactly what the other person looked like. There were no photos from 5 years ago posted on a site. There was no, as my friend Tim calls it, magic Internet photographer that makes you look a whole lot better than you truly do. We also got to see each other’s personalities in real life. Those 2 reasons alone or why organic dating is what I’m doing from now on.

Organic dating takes confidence. Being the man, I have to step up and put myself out there in real life. There is no wall of technology where I can hide. I have to face rejection. However the benefit and experience far outweigh that risk.

The dates I’ve had through organic dating have been some of the most pleasant I’ve ever had. Sure it may take longer to meet someone. I’ll take quality over quantity any day, especially in dating.

I don’t think women understand the penetrating and paralyzing fear men feel when we take that risk and ask a woman on a date. We’ll jump out of airplanes, drive cars at 200 mph, shoot guns, climb mountains and ride motorcycles but approaching a woman we have the hots for proves immensely challenging.

One theory I read states that this fear goes back to our tribal days. If a man was interested in a woman he had to prove himself by being a hunter or a leader of the tribe. Still if he was interested in a woman and she rejected him, he’d humiliated and the whole tribe would know and cast him out. Now that is not the case. You can ask out a woman out and if she says no, most folks won’t know and even more won’t care.

For a long time I’ve thought about the best way to approach a woman I don’t know, a stranger. There are so many opinions and philosophies on this. I believe in the direct approach. Right away I let a woman know I am interested in her and that I’d like to get to know her better. Some say that is too much. They argue you should let it evolve. I don’t agree with that because time is short and I don’t like to play games. I like to let a woman know where I stand.

Here is an approach I’ve developed for approaching a woman in public. It goes like this:
Me: Hey I don’t have a lot of time right now. But I’d like to get to know you better. You seem like the type of woman I’d like. Is there a way I can contact you later to set up a date?

In a few short seconds I convey my interest and what I want. Then it’s up to her to respond. Granted I haven’t used this many times. However I’m going to start.

What do you think? Ladies how do you like to be approached? Guys, how do you like to approach women?

Of all the topics I’ve written about here over 4 years, dating is the one that sparked the most interaction. A huge frustration in my life has been dating. How do you even define what dating is? What does it look like? What works in the 21st Century? How do you deal with all the rejection?

In the coming weeks and days we’re going to explore and talk about what dating is, what has worked for you and what hasn’t.

JamSmooth.com is not turning into a dating advice/coaching site. My hope is that all of us who are looking for a partner may learn something new and share some hope. Stay tuned!