I owe you an apology. I truly wanted to write you every day. I did. I’m back and this time I won’t neglect you.

This Thursday, April 29th I leave for my second trip to Cambodia. My anticipation is at nuclear levels. Getting away from American society and Atlanta will be a welcome and much needed reprieve. Rest assured I will be updating you from Phnom Penh. This year our team will be constructing a classroom at the orphanage there.

Our team blog is at www.phnompenhin2010.com. Please bookmark it or put it in your RSS feedreader. I will tweet quite a bit and take lots of photos and video. This year I will edit together a video in Final Cut that I will share with you all.

In other news I’m about to complete the P90X program. I’m halfway through the 12th week. The results speak for themselves. Honestly I’m getting comments from co-workers and friends on the changes. My energy level is always high. The workouts have yet to become boring. They are very challenging. I encourage you to get the DVDs and do it.

That’s all for now. I’ll be posting with more frequency.

Some wise friends told me, “Look for someone who has what you want and then partner with them.” That is a good suggestion. While I’m thankful for great advice, perceptions and suggestions from my single friends I have to ask, “If you’re not in a successful marriage then how do you know what truly works?”

It’s like asking someone in debt to help you manage your money. It’s like asking someone who is out of shape to be your personal trainer. It’s like asking a PC person to help you with your Mac, or vice versa. Ask someone who has what you want.

I talked to 3 happily married friends yesterday and got some remarkable suggestions and perceptions on dating. I want what they have. That is a happy, committed, healthy marriage.

While I will still go to my single friends for counsel, I’ve found that talking to happily married folks has more depth and wisdom. What do you think? Where is the best place to get advice?

Organic dating is dating the old fashioned way. There are no dating web sites, no speed dating parties, no matchmaker lunches or iPhone apps. Organic dating is meeting someone in real life, through friends, a social network, volunteering or even through work.

The last 2 women I’ve dated I met organically. I’m pleased with the results. While I may not have a date lined up as frequently as I would with outside help, the quality is much much higher.

There was already a connection established through meeting organically. First we knew exactly what the other person looked like. There were no photos from 5 years ago posted on a site. There was no, as my friend Tim calls it, magic Internet photographer that makes you look a whole lot better than you truly do. We also got to see each other’s personalities in real life. Those 2 reasons alone or why organic dating is what I’m doing from now on.

Organic dating takes confidence. Being the man, I have to step up and put myself out there in real life. There is no wall of technology where I can hide. I have to face rejection. However the benefit and experience far outweigh that risk.

The dates I’ve had through organic dating have been some of the most pleasant I’ve ever had. Sure it may take longer to meet someone. I’ll take quality over quantity any day, especially in dating.

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this finds you doing well.

As many of you know, I have attended Buckhead Church for nearly 4 years. I am writing to let you know I will be going on a short-term mission trip with my church to Cambodia this spring, April 29th through May 8th. Our church has partnered with the New Life Church in Phnom Penh. I have been so blessed and this is a way for me to give back. I feel the call to return to Cambodia this year and I am thrilled to be going back.

This year our team will be constructing a classroom for New Life Orphanage in Phnom Penh. Last year in Batdambang, Cambodia we built walkways for the orphans there. Here are some photos from that trip: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamsmooth/sets/72157617640000670/

The reason for my letter is to create a support team who is willing to pray for our team, give towards this project, or both. We need wisdom as we travel to another culture and seek to meet their needs. Financially I need to raise $3,200 to cover the cost of expenses and airfare. I will be contributing at least $500 to this trip.

I will need all funds by April 9, 2010. Checks should be made out to Northpoint Ministries with Cambodia Construction – Phnom Penh – April 29 – May 8 in the memo line. Please write me at jam@jamsmooth.com if you would like to mail a check. All donations for this project are tax deductible. Also for tax purposes, please do not write my name on the check.

You may also donate securely online at https://ssl.northpoint.org/ssl/globalx/. Choose “Cambodia – Phnom Penh” from the country list and choose “Cambodia – Phnom Penh Construction – 4/29/10 – 05/08/10″ If you donate online then please type my name in the individual field. No amount is too small.

As I did last year, I will share each day of our trip through Facebook, Twitter and my blogs so that you may follow the journey.

Thank you for partnering with me in this amazing journey. If you have any questions please contact me.

James N. Staubes, Jr.

Last night my Toastmasters club had our first club contest in over two years. 3 judges from other clubs in the city, 2 of which were Area Governors, were on hand to vote in the competition.

The first part of the competition was Table Topics. In Table Topics you are presented with an unprepared topic and then you speak for at least 1 minute minimum to 2 minutes, 30 seconds at most. I was one of the three competitors for Table Topics and I went first. The question was, “If you created a new holiday, what would it be and how would you celebrate it.” With Table Topics you cannot hesitate. You must go with the first thing that comes to your mind and sink or swim. My first idea was a Parent’s Appreciation Day. I talked about how we need to show our parents our appreciation for all the sacrifices they made, all the time, the food, the clothes they provided for us, and investments they made in us. I said we should thank our parents for consummating their relationship or else we would not be here. I was up against some tough competition in Toastmaster Ramsey and Toastmaster Smith.

Toastmaster Ramsey was just accepted to Cornell for his MBA. He also received a full scholarship to Cornell. What I love about our club is that high caliber folks such as Toastmaster Ramsey are active in our club and available and willing to help. A few weeks ago Ramsey asked me to help him prepare for his interview at Cornell. I asked him questions and then gave him feedback on his performance. Then he helped me on WorkingInMusic.com. His help was invaluable since he has worked for companies like AOL and Eyewonder.com. But I digress…

The next part of the contest was the International Speech. This is a 5 to 7 minute speech having a clear objective. I gave my speech titled, “Do It Now.” It was my third time giving the speech and I finally trimmed the speech to its essence. I did my best but I was no match for Toastmaster Ramsey.

Toastmaster Ramsey gave his speech titled, “Be The Verb.” He opened with a good joke quoting a famous Chinese philosopher, Bruce Lee. Guaranteed laugh. Ramsey’s point is that you have to be what you want to become. You have to do. He said it’s not 10,000 hours that makes you an expert but 10,000 verbs. He was on fire. He later told me a Will Smith video I sent him inspired him!

After we spoke the head judge and the ballot counters went into another room to tally the votes. While they did that Toastmaster Ramsey and I were interviewed by the contest master, Toastmaster Boring. I got a chance to plug WorkingInMusic.com thanks to Toastmaster Boring asking me about it.

Finally the head judge came back revealing the results and I came in last place in everything. I had hoped I’d at least come in 2nd on the Table Topics, but no. I’m still extremely pleased that I entered the club competition. I’m a better speaker for having stepped up. The feedback I got from the Area Governors was positive and encouraging. I’m only on my 4th speech in the Competent Communication Manual so I have a long way to go. I’m looking forward to writing and giving more speeches.

Taking a rest from the dating series today. It is Sunday.

I complain about cold weather incessantly. I hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. It is punishment to me. It is the most uncomfortable feeling. No matter how many layers I have on, I am still cold. My hands and feet become ice blocks.

Drinking lots of hot tea is one solution and space heaters help. The best solution for me is exercise. Getting to the gym, lifting weights and doing cardio raises my body temperature and keeps me warm for hours.

What about you? What do you do to stay warm? How do you combat this wretched cold?

Friday and Saturday I attended the first annual Atlanta WordCamp. Check out my review on the Atlanta Metblog.

At the end of each year I like to take an inventory of all the new things I did for the first time. 2009 had a lot of ups and downs. JamSmooth is still standing strong. 2010 will be a good year. How do I know? Because I’m going to work hard to make it that way. Here are my firsts for 2009.

1. First time to Cambodia. This trip included with it many other firsts. First time: flying Korean Air, to Seoul, South Korea, seeing Angkor Watt and first time speaking Khmer.

2. First time getting laid off. In 2009 the economy hit home, at least for me. Thought I was safe. I thought wrong. However the experience was rewarding in many other ways.

3. First time at SxSW. Great time. Great music, food, atmosphere and city. Looking forward to going again.

4. Joining Toastmasters. I started Toastmasters in October with a bang. I’ve already given 3 speeches, been Toastmaster, General Evaluator, Timer and Ah-Counter / Grammarian. Toastmasters is going to benefit me in numerous ways.

5. Reading consistently. I’m a bit of a self-help junkie. For years I’ve listened to Brian Tracy talk about the importance of reading every day yet I never read. This year I did. I read for 30 minutes every day. In about 6 months I’ve read 14 books, just reading 30 minutes a day.

6. Cutting my own hair. This year I joined the “Balding Guys Hair Club.” I wanted to do this for a while but I didn’t know if I could rock it. My buddy Adam came over with the clippers and since then I’ve been cutting my own hair. The feedback has been nothing but positive.

7. Sweat lodge. Before I left for Cambodia my pal Ginny invited me to a sweat lodge. We did 3, 20 minute sessions in the piping hot tent. It was one of the most relaxing and spiritual things I’ve ever done and I will definitely do it again.

8. Making Kombucha. Back in 2006 a friend introduced me to his homemade Kombucha. Later I saw GT’s Kombucha at Sevananda. I drank GT’s regularly and because of its high price, about $3.50 a bottle, I started making my own. The drink has numerous health benefits.

9. First job at the mall. I never would’ve dreamed I’d end up working at the mall. Thankfully I work at the best store in the mall. Since I love being around people and people watching I’ve enjoyed it.

10. First time tracking every dollar spent all year. My pastor, Andy Stanley, talked about how he and his wife have tracked every single dollar they’ve ever spent as a couple. His point is how can you track your spending if every dollar doesn’t have a name? Dave Ramsey says the same thing. This year I used my iPhone to keep track of cash expenses and Quicken to record where every dollar went. The only way you can get a handle on where you money goes is to name every dollar.

See ya 2009. You’ve been unforgettable but 2010 will pwn you.

In about an hour I’m giving my 3rd speech at Toastmasters. Admittedly I haven’t prepared as much as I’d like. Ironic as well since this speech is about procrastination. I think I’ve got it though. Wish me luck!

Do It Now!

I. Start off with Procrastinator joke
A. Intro – as we approach the new year time to think about resolutions
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. – John Lennon from “Beautiful Boy”
THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
B. Why do we procrastinate? Why do we put off goals like losing weight? Quitting smoking, Watching less TV, reading more? Learning a language? Laziness, lack of purpose, fear of failure, fear of success?
C. Procrastination holds us back from our full potential

II. First Step – Admit the opportunity
A. Admit you’re procrastinating.
B. Be aware and identify
C. How to identify? Cleaning, organizing your socks?, doing laundry? Seriously.
1. Are you working on what you set out to work on?

III. Do It Now
A. You may forget
B. Another task may come along that preempts
C. Have a sense of urgency – “Like your hair is on fire” – Seth Godin
D. Repeat to yourself: I do it now!

III. Write it down immediately
A. If you can’t do it immediately write it down
B. Follow up with the person when complete
1. Then he/she will know task is complete, how quickly you did it.
2. Tell story of former boss – “What did they say?” before you’d even done it. Imagine being able to answer!

IV. Start Small when starting it
A. 30 minute a day reading example
1. Same with exercise
B. Set a timer for the task – I’ll work for 15 minutes

V. Accountability
A. Get someone you trust to hold you to a deadline
B. Create a punishment / reward system. A trip. A dinner.
C. Pray – ask your Higher Power to give you the strength to take that first step

VI. Conclusion
A. Repeat Steps
1. Acknowledge the opportunity
2. Do It now – Don’t wait
3. Write it down
4. Start small
5. Get accountability
B. Procrastination robs us of living extraordinary lives!
C. Stop making plans and do it now!

Last night I gave my first speech at Toastmasters. This speech is called the Icebreaker speech. It’s a 4-6 minute speech on yourself.

This speech gave me a glimpse into what it takes to be a great speaker. The preparation and practice can be overwhelming. However I have great models and inspiration from my father, Andy Stanley and Jeff Henderson. All are speakers who rarely use notes to communicate their messages.

I memorized my outline for the speech and hit on every point. Giving the speech is much like performing music live. You try out phrases and words you’ve never practiced. Ideas come to you in the middle of speaking. Giving speeches and playing music are in the same family.

One invaluable aspect of Toastmasters is the immediate feedback you get. After you give your speech an evaluator goes to the lectern and tells you where you succeeded and where you can improve. You must stand while the evaluator gives the feedback. Shakir Ramsey, who gave an extraordinary speech on my first visit, evaluated my speech and I was excited to hear his comments because he’s a great communicator. Mr. Ramsey gave me great feedback. The most valuable suggestion he gave was to truly make eye contact with the audience. Don’t simply glance, hold eye contact and get an emotional connection with the audience.

After the meeting ended I got even more useful feedback from the other members. I’m looking forward to giving more speeches and becoming a great communicator.